Hiring Day

So this morning I had the pleasure of contacting eFax to make a change on my account. Just like most tech companies these days everything works great until you have to make a change or actually call someone then everything turns to crap. I decided to use their chat feature on their site and boy am I glad I did. Here is the exchange for your reading pleasure. I think you will get a kick out of it. I have changed the name of the Sales Rep to Sales Genius, because I am such a nice guy.

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In Chat window:

Please wait for a site operator to respond. You are currently number 1 of 1 in the queue. Thank you for your patience.

Chat Information: You are now chatting with ‘Sales Genius’

Les Benito: Hello
Sales Genius
: Welcome to the eFax Sales Team! I am “Sales Genius”, your Online Sales Representative. How may I assist you today?
Sales Genius: Hi Les.
Les Benito:
hello
Sales Genius: Yes.
Les Benito:
I currently have a 210 area code number
Les Benito:
and I moved so I would like to change that number
Les Benito:
seems that the only thing I can do on your site is add another number
Sales Genius: May I have your fax number/email address registered with the account?
Les Benito:
210 xxx-xxxx
Sales Genius: May I know the City, State and Area Code where you prefer to have a fax number?
Les Benito:
Alexandria, VA 703 area code
Sales Genius: For this matter you would have to contact our Customer support department. I can guide you to the appropriate customer support team.
Sales Genius: Email support is available 24/7 at [email protected]
Sales Genius: You can also contact our customer support team at 1-323-817-3205, which is available 24/7.
Sales Genius: Instead of switching, I suggest that you add a new number now. As part of a special plan, today you can add a new number (local/toll free) to your existing account under the eFax Plus service for only $6.95.
Sales Genius: You won’t incur any monthly fee for the next three months. Only at the end of 90-days, will you be charged the monthly fee of $16.95 applicable towards the following month of service.
Sales Genius: You can receive up to 130 pages of faxes Free of cost per month and you can send out Un-limited pages of faxes @10 cents /page (60-second transmission time or less) anywhere in USA.
Sales Genius: I will also credit your account with a recurring Gift Credit of $3.00 for sending Free faxes every month, which is only through this chat session.
Sales Genius: This is a contract free service and there is no term or commitment involved.
Sales Genius: Would you like to add a number to your account under this exclusive offer?
Les Benito:
I am already a plus member
Sales Genius: That’s correct.
Les Benito:
I don’t see a reason to pay some more for a second number
Sales Genius: This is a Promotional Offer which I have suggested for you.
Sales Genius: I can arrange an option for you.
Les Benito:
so you are saying I will have two numbers for the same pricethat I pay now?
Sales Genius: I can add the 703 number under 30-Day Free Trial Offer.
Sales Genius: This is a contract free service and there is no term or commitment involved.
Sales Genius: There will be a monthly fee of $16.95 only at the end of 30 days when you have tried our service.
Sales Genius: With this Offer, there will be no charges placed at the time of account set up.
Sales Genius: Would you like to add the 703 number under the 30-Day Free Trial Offer?
Les Benito:
ok but after the 30 days will my monthly price increase? or will both numbers be part of the same account?
Les Benito:
please explain
Les Benito:
am I paying 16.95 for both numbers?
Les Benito:
or for each number?
Sales Genius: Yes.
Sales Genius: It will be $16.95 Per Number Per Month.
Les Benito:
why would I do that?
Les Benito:
hmmm let me see….I don’t want one number so instead I should get two
Les Benito:
yeah that makes perfect sense
Les Benito:
thanks for all your help
Les Benito:
have a great day
Sales Genius: Thank You for contacting eFax Sales Chat. We hope you found our session helpful. Good Bye!

Chat InformationChat session has been terminated by the site operator.
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So as you can see it was an extremely valuable and worthy chat. Immediately in my mind I went to what the interview process was like at eFax when hiring this particular sales representative. I imagine it went something like this:

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Scene 1:
A typical office with a maze of cubicles with offices for the managers along the walls. On the door of one of the offices is a sign that says Human Resources.
(a young man (who we all know as Sales Genius), looking disheveled wearing baggy jeans and a faded t-shirt, walks down the hall and knocks on the Human Resources manager’s already open door)

HR Manager: Hello?
Sales Genius: Hey (unnecessary pause)
HR Manager: Can I help you?
Sales Genius: um..yeah my buddy said that you guys were hiring and stuff?
HR Manager: I see
HR Manager: who sent you?
Sales Genius: Bill
HR Manager: Bill….Bill who?
Sales Genius: ah man I don’t know his last name… I think….maybe Jones or Jonas or Johns I don’t know something like that
HR Manager: hmm…..ok….what exactly did he tell you?
Sales Genius: he said you guys were like…hiring
HR Manager: ok….is there a particular job you are applying for?
Sales Genius: um…I don’t know. Whataya got?
HR Manager: Do you have a resume?

(Suddenly an out of breath man runs to the HR managers door)

Call Center Manager: Tom! (heavy panting)
Call Center Manager: Serious emergency!
HR Manager: Fred is everything ok?!?
Call Center Manager: No, there was a horrible accident we lost 5 of our sales reps in a car accident during their carpool in this morning
HR Manager: Oh my God! That is terrible!

(Sales Genius is entranced by a red stapler on the HR manager’s desk) 

Sales Genius (under breath): uuhhhhhhh that stapler is awesome…..
Call Center Manager: We are completely at a standstill.
Call Center Manager: I don’t have anyone to answer the phones and they are ringing off the hook!!
Call Center Manager: I am trying to answer them myself, but I don’t have the latest scripts! I have to get some people in here to answer phones ASAP!

(Sales Genius picks up stapler and stares at it in amazement)


HR Manager: How are we going to do that? We don’t have an emergency hiring process….let me think about this
Call Center Manager: It’s out of control!
Call Center Manager: Have there been any applicants for the call center?
HR Manager: No your team was full so the hiring was frozen for your team
Call Center Manager: Perfect…that figures
Call Center Manager: Do you have any resumes?
HR Manager: not really

(Sales Genius squeezes the front of the stapler with his index finger and thumb firing a staple into his finger)

Sales Genius: AAAUUUU!!!
Call Center Manager: Holy crap! He just stapled his finger!
HR Manager (shaking his head): Ah geez
Call Center Manager: Who is this guy?
HR Manager: Who knows, he just showed up and said somebody told him we were hiring

(HR Manager and Call Center Manager look at each other for a second look over at Sales Genius then look back at each other)

HR Manager:: Hey buddy, have you ever worked in a call center?
Sales Genius: What’s that?
HR Manager:: Um…it’s a center that answers calls….
Sales Genius: You mean like phone calls and stuff?
HR Manager (excitedly): Yes, Yes exactly.
Sales Genius: No
HR Manager: Do you think you could do that?
Sales Genius: Do what?
HR Manager:: Answer phones?
Sales Genius: Man, I could totally do that. I can totally answer the phone. Like last night my friend called me and I answered it and he was like hey and I was like hey. Then he was like what’s up and I was like…
HR Manager (cutting him off): But do you think you could do it as a job?
Sales Genius: I don’t get it…do what? Talk to my friend?
HR Manager: No answer phones
Sales Genius: uhhh….yeah….I guess.
HR Manager (turns to call center manager): What do you think, Fred?
Call Center Manager: Man, right now I will take anyone.
HR Manager (turns to Sales Genius): Congrats you got yourself a job.
Sales Genius: Sweet…when do I get like vacation and stuff?

(HR Manager puts his head in his hands and exhales deeply)
(fade to black)

We hope you have enjoyed “Hiring Day at the eFax call center” Please come again.

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